The realities of what is involved in a book tour now in my arsenal of experience, I finally have a moment to think. It's not so bad, actually. Like everything, it's how we respond to the events that make it how it is. I could easily make it frustrating. I mean, one's entire schedule and life is thrown imperceptibly out of whack. There is effort on P.R. and publishing people to make it more pleasant, but even they cannot predict the inevitable challenges of the airlines, the traffic, the hotel and the food.

There are the call in's to radio shows from the hotel room. If people could only see what you look like, they'd maybe rethink you as an expert. Some radio hosts are interested, which makes it fun, and some, like the A.M. host in Harford who said "Christopher Hopkins is here with his new book....um...what's the title, Christopher?"
that make it deflating.
There is media training. I put media training up there with voice training. I think I was probably a better singer before I had voice training, but of course you MUST have voice training, so I did. You can lose yourself when someone is retraining you on how do to it. But, back to responding to things positively, in the long run it's a good thing. Right?

Trying to be a good student.
During media training a 50 plus reporter, freneticism defined, burst into the room with her first question. -- to Robert.
"Who are you!?"
Caught off guard and flustered, he managed, "Christopher's...personal assistant."
"My Love Slave," I shot back, smiling. (Don't mess with my man, girl!)
Undaunted she turned to me, sat down, and began scribbling imperceptibly as I spoke.
"So, why not MEN over 45?"
? "Um. Well, I guess, I don't think they'd buy that book. Maybe if it were for women to makeover their man..."
"Well, don't you think men need a makeover?" (She is woman, she is posturing,I hear her roar.)
"Yes, but really, that isn't what I wanted to write about."
It's morning, I'm puffy and sitting under a florescent light with a north facing window to my side when out comes her digital camera. I move to face the light in hopes of some photo flattery, but, alas, when the article comes out, I realize my eye bags made their appearance for the camera.
Check it out in the Hartford Currant.
After spending countless rehearsals in my mind and audibly at dinner with Robert I knew I didn't quite have "Sally Hansen Line Fix Lip Repair and Volumizing Lip Shield available at Sally Hansen Lip Lab, Luminous Blonde Collection including rich colors like Vanilla Malt and Honey Butter by Garnier Nutrisse and Smooth MIneral Collection by NYC New York Color with a blend of mineral powders including Mica that minimize fine lines and imperfections....down pat. But the show goes on, ready or not.

Robert, my "personal assistant."

THE TOUR HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN!
So I whipped through it on air. (Click here, then click The Makeover Guy, to watch)
The at 6:00 a.m. the next morning a "media escort" picked us up and off we went to appear on what I must admit was one of the liveliest and exhaustingly entertaining syndicated morning shows called, "The Daily Buzz."
As the commercial drew to its close the anchor mentioned, "We only have about three minutes."
In other words, "I'm used to having to drag these things along, don't be boring, and get to the point."
I need no encouragement to speed up. But morning coffee and adrenalin in check, I was pretty much done in two minutes.
They asked me to stay for another segment an hour later, and I did. The media escort ran to a nearby fast food restaurant pick us up a "chicken in a biscuit, with tater tots and ketchup on the side." Mmm. More coffee.
At this point all those talking points whirling in my head I began to feel like I'd had a chip inserted into my hard drive that re-created the me I know closer to a robot that could not think for himself. I was not pleased.

Following "The Buzz", our media escorts drove us to book stores around Orlando for drop in book signings. Here I realized that no one really cares that you're an author. They don't really even seem to care that you just appeared on television in their city and they should be stocked with more than two books. They look at you more as if you are a mild irritant to their already miserable day of stocking books.
"What book?" "What's the name?" "We have two in stock."
Thunk.
I wasn't feeling good. Off center. I expressed my frustration via email to my publicist.
She encouraged me with a "that is so not nice what you are saying!!! Authors would kill for a tour like yours."
I was reminded why I keep my dark moments exclusively to Robert who has never in 20 years, put baby in the corner.
Be positive, be grateful, be polite. And carry a large stick.